It was years and years and years ago, but it’s just so clear in my mind still – what I actually saw.
I had an asthma attack – remember getting into the ambulance. Don’t remember anything else much after that …but I remember this vision of some matchsticks or candles – all different colours, all alight. My granddad, who had passed away, was going ‘come with me – it’s all alright, everything’s fine’, and I was going ‘no, I don’t want to come with you’; and then this person under a sheet of ice – a male figure, with this …crown of thorns on his head – and it’s just so – I can still see it today. And then waking in up in intensive care three days later – and then just worrying about my bills!
I’m not really sure if it was candles or matches, I just remember these things being alight with all different colours, like a rainbow. All sorts, just every colour that you could think of, arranged from the dark going to lighter colours.
My granddad was catholic. And I’ve always sort of thought – wondered what it would have been like to be…I mean I used to go to Sunday school, but I don’t believe religiously …but there this male figure was with this crown on. It wasn’t that obvious [it was Jesus] – it was just this male figure under the ice, looking up.
It was very calming, it didn’t scare me – it’s just so strange.
I’ve been in about seven or eight times altogether,
I’ve got two granddads that’ve passed away; the other one was two years ago, so I see a lot of him now, and him watching me all the time and having a go at me: ‘Will you hurry up and get out of here,’ y’know, ‘you’ve got to get home’, sort of telling me off, to behave. ‘Get out of here – you don’t need to be in here – you’ve got your daughter to get home to’.
One thing I saw quite recently: I was having a tea party with dead people. It was so strange – my uncle who’d passed away, my two granddads – and my cousin. So we just had this great big tea party – just like a big street party, but all the people other than me had passed on, so it was like ‘well, what’s going on here? It’s just strange what the brain does [laughs]…
I’m never frightened or scared, as I say the one where my granddad said ‘come with me’ and I said ‘no, I’m not ready, I’m not ready to go with you – I want to be here’ so it’s just – you know, not scary, not frightened of them at all.
I’ve had asthma since a baby so I’ve always had problems and mum was always in baby intensive care, so I’ve always had hospital in my history, so I don’t know any different really. It’s just something that I’m used to – [the hospital] used to be my second home.