I didn’t have any hallucinations at all until after my operation.
I’ve always wondered whether the fact that my hallucination related to one of the nurses trying to kill me was because, when they were preparing me for the operation and taking me down, I was talking to one of the surgeons; I said to him ‘what’s the success rate of this operation?’ and he looked at me and just said ‘30%’. I said ‘would you have a tenner on it?’, and he said ‘No’. I said ‘thanks for the support’, he said ‘don’t worry, we’ll get there’…
So I did wonder whether that little conversation maybe triggered the fact that my hallucination related to a member of staff trying to kill me. Whether it did or not, I don’t know.
For some reason, I’ve never ever told anyone which of the nurses was trying to kill me. And what I don’t understand about it was that when I was taken into intensive care, [this nurse was] one of the nurses that received me – we chatted quite happily for half and hour… Now whether it was the fact that he was the only male nurse I dealt with, I don’t know. I don’t understand …and it’s been in my mind quite often.
The start of the hallucination was that I was in the intensive care ward – everybody in my hallucination I’d seen round the hospital and in the intensive care ward, except for the policeman by the side of my bed. I remember him saying ‘we’ve got to move you out to a safer ward’, and there were sounds of emergency vehicles all around the hospital. I was then moved, taken to a nice new ward – not one I’d been in before, not one I’d seen – was placed in a bed, and it was at that point that the nurse who was looking after me, this male nurse, started to try and kill me.
I can remember him coming over with a syringe and he was just about to put something in my arm when another nurse came in and he moved away.
For some reason I can see in my mind that he’d set a lot of wires up under my bed, with explosives on, which he kept on trying to detonate, but every time he tried to do something, somebody came into the room, so he never succeeded; but I can remember him getting very close. I can remember him trying to choke me once, and of course I couldn’t talk.
This went on for a while – he’d try to kill me every now and again, and not quite succeed.
And then I can remember being flown off in an airplane. To South Africa. And this is where my relatives came in.
I was very weak – I couldn’t move, and …I can remember being tied to a bed, and I could hear my children the other side of the wall, who had their own children (at that point in time none of them actually did have children). And I can remember hearing somebody explaining to my kids and their wives that in order to get rid of aggression from young children, they allowed them to be aggressive to disabled people. And I can remember hearing my children say, ‘well, take our children in, and let them do what they’ve got to do… to this person in the bed’. And I was trying to shout at my children to say that they were sending their children into their grandfather.
Where South Africa came in I don’t know, I have no idea. I could hear these South African accents, but I never saw anyone.
So that was really the most frightening part – knowing my family, unknown to them, were trying to deliberately hurt me, and that they allowed infants to abuse people to get rid of their aggression and improve their attitude in the future. Which was most peculiar. Thanks a bunch! [laughs]
It was frightening to think that these were my grandchildren coming in to hurt me. And this is why when I actually came round from the operation, when all the hallucinations stopped, and my family were around my bed, that I insisted to the nurse that they were taken away and I wouldn’t see them. I can still see the look of concern on their faces now, asking them to leave. But I genuinely believed that they knew what were going on. At that point.
Even to this day when I see the nurse that was trying to kill me I still shiver. And that was five or six years ago.